Earlier this month, 46-year-old Jose Laparra of Zaragoza, in northeast Spain, paid a fortune teller to put a LOVE SPELL on a woman . . . to make her fall in love with him.

And he paid $212,000 for the spell. Yes, $212,000.

For that kind of money, the fortune teller must've convinced him it was one HELL of a spell. But it wasn't. The woman did NOT fall in love with Jose. 

So last week, he went to the fortune teller to demand a refund. And he really DEMANDED it . . . he and a few friends broke into the fortune teller's house and tried to FORCE her to pay the money back.

The cops got there quickly and arrested all of them.

If you're wondering where Jose got that kind of money from . . . he's a crook. He used to be the president of a soccer team in Spainand was accused of stealing $7.7 million. That case against him is still pending.

Early on Tuesday, a drunk guy in his 20s went to a McDonald's in Cork, Ireland and ordered himself a Happy Meal.

And we're guessing in his drunken logic, he figured since he ordered a kid's meal, he should really sell the bit . . . so he tried to SQUEEZE into a McDonald's HIGH CHAIR.

But he got stuck, and couldn't get himself out. The staff called the police and THREE COPS showed up to help pull the guy out of the high chair. They WERE able to get him free. No charges are going to be filed.

McDonald's Ireland actually had a pretty good response to this. Quote, "McDonald's is aware of the incident . . . we recommend that children don't use the high chair without adult supervision." 

I feel like if I was ever going to commit a crime, I'd make sure my getaway car was perfectly functional. I might even rent a car if my own car wasn't. This woman . . . was not that bright.

On Monday, a 42-year-old woman from Curtis, Michigan broke into the Chamberlin's Old Forest Inn in Portage Township, Michigan. She started loading up her car with food, dishes, silverware, and other kitchen supplies.

By the time she was done, her car was PACKED SOLID with stolen stuff. But when she tried to drive away . . . she couldn't find her keys.

Here's where her crappy car comes into play. The door latches on the inside DON'T WORK . . . so, to open her doors, she needs to roll down her window and use the outside handle. But she needed the keys to start the car to roll down the windows.

She was trapped until the police arrived, and was arrested for home invasion and larceny. 

As far as people freaking out on airplanes goes, this one's pretty solid.

Over the weekend, on an American Airlines flight from LAX in Los Angeles to JFK in New York, a female passenger apparently decided it was time to pay her respects to WHITNEY HOUSTON. RIP, Whitney.

So the woman started BELTING OUT Whitney songs. The flight attendants asked her to stop, but she kept going. Then they TOLD her to stop. But she kept singing.

So the pilot ended up DIVERTING the flight and making an emergency landing in Kansas City. . . where the woman was arrested.

Another passenger took a video of two cops escorting the woman off the plane . . . while she sings an off-key but heartfelt version of "I Will Always Love You".

Meanwhile, as she's being escorted off, the flight attendants are trying to tell people NOT to take pictures. Yeah, right.

The woman ended up being released without charges . . . but long after the flight was already on its way to New York. She blamed the incident on her diabetes, and the cops accepted that. She took another flight the rest of the way. 

Here's the video of her being escorted off the plane.

Thursday was a big day for 58-year-old Erin James of Brookfield, Illinois. She just got her license back after a DUI conviction last year. And to celebrate getting her driving privileges back . . . she went out DRINKING.

You can see where this is going. Her license renewal came to a very quick end . . . because a few hours later, she was pulled over driving herself home, and was arrested for drunk driving.

Erin blew a .155 on the breathalyzer, which is just about double the legal limit.

The police say Erin intentionally drove someone else's car to the bar because her car had one of those court-ordered breathalyzer ignition locks.

This time, Erin is looking at losing her license for TEN YEARS . . . and seven years in prison.

On Saturday, 30-year-old Henry Gribbohm of Epsom, New Hampshire hit up a travelling carnival in Manchester, New Hampshire. And like so many before him, he was seduced by BIG PRIZES and a sweet-talking CARNY. 

He started playing one of those carnival games called Tubs of Fun, where you toss softballs into a plastic tub. His goal was to win an Xbox Kinect, the accessory for the Xbox 360 that lets you play games with motion control. It's worth about $100.

And before he knew it, Henry had lost $300. But he wasn't going to let that defeat him. So he went home, got his life savings . . . all $2,300 of it . . . and dumped ALL of it into Tubs of Fun. AND HE NEVER WON.

He complained to the carnival management, so they gave him a $600 refund . . . and a giant stuffed YELLOW BANANA with DREADLOCKS and a RASTA HAT. Which seems like more of an INSULT than a consolation prize.

So Henry complained to the POLICE that the game was rigged, and they're investigating. The carnival has moved on to Derry, New Hampshire, but WITHOUT Tubs of Fun . . . the game is suspended until the investigation is over.

For what it's worth, Tubs of Fun made a list of seven rigged carnival games, published in the "AARP Bulletin" last summer.

Last week, 31-year-old William Daniel Lloyd of Gainesville, Florida grabbed his BB gun, and went out to hunt himself some SQUIRREL for dinner.

When he finally spotted a delicious squirrel, he fired. But there was a problem. His gun was broken, and couldn't hold the BB cartridge right. So William had TAPED it in place. That didn't work. And the cartridge EXPLODED.

William took BB gun cartridge shrapnel to his arm and leg, and was taken to the hospital and treated for injuries. The squirrel got away.

William was arrested for discharging a firearm in public and possession of ammunition by a convicted felon. He's got a long criminal history that includes everything from grand theft to drug possession. 

Last year, DERRICK ROSE from the Chicago Bulls tore his ACL in the NBA playoffs and missed ALL of this season.

Rose is the Bulls' best player . . . but he isn't the REAL victim of this story. No . . . the real victim here is 25-year-old Matthew Thompson of Peoria, Illinois.

See, Matthew is a HUGE Bulls fan.  And he says Rose's injury and the missed season caused him EMOTIONAL DISTRESS. And over the course of the season without Rose, he's gained a TON OF WEIGHT.

So now, he's SUING him. He says Rose slacked on his rehab, was negligent with his body, and SHOULD be playing since doctors cleared him last month.

Matthew is seeking an undisclosed amount.

The Bulls still made the playoffs this year. They finished 45-and-37, got the number five seed . . . and lost their first playoff game Saturday against the Brooklyn Nets.

It feels fantastic getting a HOT SHAVE from a barber. Seriously.  It makes you wish it was 1908 and you were a Rockefeller so it could be part of your daily routine. But it's, probably, best left to the professionals. 

On Wednesday, a 50-year-old man in Largo, Floridawanted to give himself the pleasure of a hot shave at home. So he decided to put his can of shaving cream on the kitchen STOVE, to heat it up.

Unfortunately, that's incredibly stupid, since pressurized metal cans are not meant to be heated up. And he learned that QUICKLY.

The can ended up EXPLODING IN HIS FACE . . . and he ended up with a face full of ALUMINUM SHARDS.

All things considered, he was lucky . . . he only had some cuts on his face and was hospitalized with minor injuries.

Every year before April Fools' Day, we try to remind you that NO prank is worth GETTING FIRED or ARRESTED over. This woman didn't get that message. And now, she's probably looking at both. 

20-year-old Susan Alexandria Tinker is a Waffle House employee in Hampton, Virginia. Yesterday, around 6:00 A.M., Susan called 911 to report the place had been ROBBED.

When the cops got there, Susan told them it was an APRIL FOOLS' DAY prank, and they hadn't actually been robbed.

Unfortunately for her, what she did isn't a prank . . . it's a CRIME.

Susan was arrested for falsely summoning the police . . . and is facing up to ONE YEAR in jail and a $2,500 fine. There's no word on whether the Waffle House will let her keep her job.

25-year-old Evan Dorsey of Weymouth, Massachusetts got arrested on Friday when police caught him trying to break into a house. 

Despite the arrest, you can expect big things from Evan, because he is super focused AND organized. We know, because when the cops busted him, he was carrying a notebook that included his to-do list for the day.     

He called the list, quote, "goals for Friday, 3/24/13" . . . even though Friday was actually March 22nd. Among his goals for the day were: 

Find crystal meth . . . get a gold watch . . . commit a break-in or rob a dealer . . . sell drugs . . . and do one good deed for a stranger. 

He's facing charges of breaking and entering, and has been ordered to undergo in-patient drug and alcohol treatment. He'll be back in court on April 22nd. 

Earlier this month, 31-year-old Alfredo Malespini of Bradford, Pennsylvania got into a drunken fight with his wife over his AFFAIR.

And during the fight, Alfredo wanted to take off his wedding ring . . . but couldn't get it off his finger. So he switched to Plan B, which was . . . grabbing his GUN and SHOOTING the ring off his finger.

Believe it or not, that turned out poorly. Alfredo ended up blowing off most of his finger . . . but amazingly, the ring STAYED ON the MANGLED STUMP that was left.

He was taken to the hospital. There's no word on whether the doctors were able to reattach or repair his finger.

Alfredo was also arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and reckless endangerment. He'll make his first court appearance next week. 

Here's a photo of Alfredo. He works as a prison guard . . . or, at least, he used to before all this went down.

If there was video of this, it would already be at 150 million views on YouTube. 

Around 5:30 P.M. on Sunday, 29-year-old Jamie Craft of Jonesboro, Arkansas was driving drunk in her 2001 Pontiac Grand Am. She ended up going off the road and SLAMMED into a guy's mobile home.

She got out of the car, where witnesses saw she wasn't wearing PANTS.

Her Pontiac was totaled, and she wanted to make a getaway. That's when she spotted a kid's BATTERY-OPERATED Power Wheels truck. She started trying to make a low-speed getaway in the truck but, obviously, it didn't work.

She was arrested with a blood-alcohol level of .217 . . . almost three times the legal limit. She's facing several charges. 

No matter how much you and your husband or wife fight . . . you'd THINK you could put it on hold while you're in the middle of committing a felony.   

On Monday, 26-year-old Jared Rick and his wife, 25-year-old Ashley Rick, of Wamac, Illinois shoplifted more than $2,000 worth of stuff from a Walmart. And they would've gotten away with it, too.

Only when they got out to the parking lot with all their stolen stuff, they started arguing. LOUDLY. They were so loud they drew people's attention . . . and someone called the cops.

When the cops got there, they noticed all the stuff in the Ricks' car and got suspicious. They had Walmart check its surveillance tapes . . . which showed the Ricks shoplifting.

Both of them were hit with two counts of felony retail theft. They actually had their one- and three-year-old CHILDREN with them the entire time. Those kids have been turned over to a relative. 

Some roommate situations work out well. Others wind up with you getting stabbed. Remember that when you want to save a little rent money by finding a random roommate. 

On Monday, 32-year-old Nicole Marie Wagner of East Lampeter Township, Pennsylvania got into an argument with her 31-year-old roommate.

Apparently, the roommate always left a bunch of lights on, and Nicole was upset about the electricity bill.

And the fight ended when Nicole grabbed a DECORATIVE SPEAR and STABBED her roommate in the BACK.

Fortunately, the roommate survived. Nicole was arrested for aggravated assault and terroristic threats.

When the police strap a MONITORING BRACELET on someone, usually the instinct is to HIDE IT under long pants and high socks because it's a horrifying embarrassment. Not this woman.

22-year-old Rebecca Gallanagh of Tamworth, Staffordshire, Englandhad an electronic monitor strapped onto her ankle in November after she was convicted for brawling outside of a club.

And she decided to make it a FASHION STATEMENT. So Rebecca BEDAZZLED her police monitoring bracelet with fake diamonds.

When the monitoring staff checked in on her and saw it, they told the cops.

She was fined $220 by a judge for tampering with the ankle monitor. 

I'm sure that MILLIONS of couples get into arguments every single night over one person hogging the covers. But try to keep some perspective. This woman didn't.

On Wednesday night, 42-year-old Tina Berryhill Rucker of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina was in bed with her 49-year-old boyfriend. He kept pulling the majority of their blanket over to his side. And Tina responded by . . . CHOKING HIM OUT.

He got away and called the police, and they found BLOOD and SCRATCHES on his neck.

Tina was arrested for domestic violence. No word on who won the tug-of-war over the covers. 

Maybe these guys should've started their crime spree by stealing a car. Or at least a muzzle. 

In Juan de Acosta, Colombia, three thieves were busted robbing a store . . . because their GETAWAY DONKEY wouldn't shut up.

Last week, the three guys busted into a store in the middle of the night and started stealing food and liquor. But as they loaded up their getaway donkey, he started making noise.

According to the police, the getaway donkey kept HEE-HAWING, which woke up the neighbors. The men ditched the stuff they'd stolen and tried to take off, but the police caught them and arrested them.(The Telegraph)

We're not experts on crack, but we know one thing: IT DON'T SMOKE ITSELF. Here's more proof:         

50-year-old Carlos Sergio Valdes went to Henna Chevrolet in North Austin, Texas on Saturday and asked to test drive a 2013 Tahoe worth $40,000.  

But he drove off in the Tahoe before the dealership gave him permission . . . and two hours later, he called the police to report that the car had been STOLEN.  

Later in the day, police tracked down the stolen SUV and questioned the woman who was driving it. She said that she didn't STEAL the car . . . she TRADED for it.

Apparently Sergio offered her the car in exchange for two rocks of crack. He was arrested and charged with theft, and they may charge him with additional crimes. There's no word on what happened to the woman who gave him the crack.

This story HAS to be a metaphor for how your job OWNS YOUR SOUL.

On Tuesday morning, a 22-year-old man from Washington, Pennsylvania was on the way to work and decided to try to KILL HIMSELF. The man's name and job weren't released. Only his suicidal intentions.

First, he tried jumping out of his moving car. But he survived. So he went to Plan B . . . and hopped a guard rail, right into the path of a tractor-trailer. It hit him and knocked him out of his shoes . . . but he was able to WALK away.

Apparently, that was enough of a sign that this wasn't the morning where he was going to be able to successfully kill himself . . . so the guy grabbed his shoes, slid down a hill, and walked to work. WHERE HIS SOUL BELONGED.

He did end up going to the hospital, where he's still recovering.

Maybe this woman let the pressure of being voted the most beautiful woman in the 408th largest city in America get to her?

22-year-old Sarah Richardson was crowned Miss Las Cruces, New Mexico last month. That makes her eligible to compete for Miss New Mexico . . . and then Miss America. But all that is OFF now.

Because on Sunday night, Sarah was driving her PT Cruiser while DRUNK . . . and CRASHED into a light pole in Las Cruces. That caused a chain reaction that took down several other poles.

She ended up knocking out power to 1,700 PEOPLE and businesses in the area for several hours.

Sarah was arrested for aggravated DWI and is facing up to 90 days in jail with at least a mandatory 48-hour sentence. Yesterday, she resigned as Miss Las Cruces.

Here's her mugshot. And, let's be honest, she's kinda cute, but . . . she also looks a little TOO happy.

On Monday night, 19-year-old Jamar Darnell Thomas of Athens, Georgia was playing BEER PONG with his girlfriend at her apartment. And apparently it wasn't just regular beer pong . . . they were playing STRIP BEER PONG.

Jamar lost . . . so he stripped down naked. And while he was naked and drunk, he and his girlfriend started having a political debate. Or, as he described it, quote, "talking about Democrats and Republicans."

It got intense, things escalated, and apparently his girlfriend SLAPPED HIM and he pushed her into a door. The girlfriend's roommate called the cops.

When they got there, Jamar was still naked. He was arrested for battery and criminal damage to property.

Yeah, um . . . this guy is NEVER going to live this down.

On Tuesday, 22-year-old Benjamin Greene was in Spartanburg, South Carolina and went to a Spencer's Gifts store. He decided to try to shoplift an INFLATABLE ADULT LOVE DOLL. That's embarrassing enough.

But the specific blow-up doll makes it WAY worse. The doll is called "Finally Mylie" . . . and it's modeled after MILEY CYRUS.

The doll is unauthorized, of course. They spell Miley "M-y-l-i-e," and the box art features a woman who looks a LOT like Miley holding a guitar. 

Benjamin was caught taking the doll out of the box and putting it in his coat. He was arrested for misdemeanor shoplifting. If he'd been willing to BUY the doll, Spencer's was selling it for only $19.99.

This sounds like something straight out of a cartoon. But if it's true, it's a GREAT way to get out of doing housework . . . PERMANENTLY.

32-year-old Tomasz Packowski of Elbag, Poland was getting a lot of heat from his wife, Lila, about being USELESS around the house. So he decided to prove that he could do housework.

He grabbed all their clothes that needed ironing, set up the ironing board in front of the TV, turned on some boxing, and cracked a beer. Then he started ironing while he watched and drank.

At some point, his cell phone rang. And adding that FOURTH multitasking element was too much. So when he went to answer the phone, he accidentally held THE IRON up to his EAR instead.

When he ran to the bathroom to splash some cold water on it, he accidentally ran into the door, and got a black eye.

He was hospitalized with serious burns on his face, but is expected to fully recover. And he says he's never doing housework again . . . quote, "It's harder than it looks. I really respect what my wife does now."

This sounds like something out of a movie. Except this guy ISN'T a hero who saved his wedding . . . he's a criminal. Because real life ain't Hollywood. 

On Saturday, just before 7:00 P.M., police spotted 23-year-old Timothy Thompson of Valparaiso, Indiana driving over 100 MILES-AN-HOUR, and he wasn't even on the highway. He was weaving in and out of lanes and came close to crashing a few times.

He wouldn't pull over for the cops, but he finally pulled into the parking lot of Nativity of Our Savior Church . . . did a donut . . . and left a huge cloud of black smoke.

Turns out it was Timothy's WEDDING DAY . . . and he was speeding to get to the church on time for his 7:00 P.M. wedding. 

We don't know WHY he was so late, but we do know his relatives were FURIOUS.

The cops say several of them were SCREAMING at Timothy as he got out of the car.

He was arrested and did NOT get to be in his wedding before he was taken to jail.

Want to know how to make TWO women simultaneously infuriated? Steal a ring from one to give to the other . . . because you're too cheap to buy her one yourself.

On Thanksgiving, 35-year-old Donald Albritton of Scranton, Pennsylvania went to visit his ex girlfriend, Megan White. Apparently Donald's daughter had stolen some stuff from Megan, and Donald wanted to thank her for not filing a police report.

BUT . . . while Donald was there apologizing for how his daughter stole from Megan, he saw that Megan had taken off her engagement ring to cook Thanksgiving dinner. And Donald STOLE it.

Then he went home and gave it to his new wife, to, quote, "patch up his marriage."

But Megan realized what had happened, and went to the police last week. Donald was arrested for theft and is due in court tomorrow. There's no word on whether giving his wife his ex's stolen ring successfully patched things up.

On Tuesday, around 12:30 A.M., 41-year-old Christopher Lance Moore broke into a home in Springtown, Texas. But before he could rob the place and get out, the guy who lives there WOKE UP.

His name is James Gerow. He says he was shocked to see Christopher in his house . . . but he quickly recovered and GRABBED HIS GUN.

When Christopher saw the gun, he took off running and got in his truck. But James and his stepson blocked him from leaving, and stood there with their guns pointed at him.

James told his stepson, quote, "If he gets out of the truck, shoot him in the legs." And THAT'S when Christopher decided his only move was . . . TO CALL 911.

He told the dispatcher, quote, "I'm out in the country somewhere. Some guy's got a gun on me. He's going to come shoot me." When the cops got there, they quickly figured out what had happened, and Christopher was arrested for burglary.

James told the cops he didn't really plan on shooting Christopher because it was obvious, quote, "he wasn't thinking clearly." 

Yeah, um . . . clearly.

As hard as it is to find a good repairman, there have GOT to be better ways than KIDNAPPING ONE. 

On Monday morning, 36-year-old Jason DeJesus and 33-year-old Chanelle Troedson called a 50-year-old handyman over to their house in Morgan Hill, California.

The house is 4,600 square feet and has five bedrooms, a pool, a tennis court, and a beach volleyball court. But it's not clear at ALL how Jason and Chanelle had the money for it . . . because they're apparently just petty criminals.

When the handyman got there, they BEAT HIM UP and threatened to KILL HIM if he didn't do a bunch of repairs for them. They made him work for six hours, fixing everything from a dishwasher to a broken door.

Then they made him get in their truck . . . so they could take him to a relative's house to do some repairs over there. Fortunately, when the couple stopped for gas, the man made a run for it and called the cops.

Jason and Chanelle were arrested and charged with several felonies, including false imprisonment, kidnapping, assault with a deadly weapon, criminal threats, and conspiracy.

This one SEEMS too good to be true, but we have no reason NOT to believe it. 

Earlier this week, in a city in Western Australia called Geraldton, police were chasing a drunk 17-year-old who'd stolen a scooter. 

And as the guy ran from them, he jumped over a fence into a random backyard. But he didn't realize the family who lived there had a TRAMPOLINE.

And when he jumped the fence, he landed on the trampoline . . . and bounced right back over the fence into the cops' arms. They grabbed him and arrested him.

He was arrested on seven charges, ranging from theft to drunk driving to operating a scooter without a helmet.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong but . . . I thought the whole point of committing a crime was so you DIDN'T have to put in an honest day's work for an honest day's pay.

Last week, 45-year-old Keith Hinds of West Hartford, Connecticutstole a Chinese food delivery driver's car, when the driver left it idling to drop off some food at an elementary school.

And then . . . Keith KEPT MAKING THE DELIVERIES.

He went to all of the addresses on the bags in the car, dropped off the food, and took the money. He pocketed it, but still. No one in West Hartford missed out on their Chinese food that night.

The police caught Keith during his deliveries and arrested him for larceny. He also had some marijuana and a crack pipe on him, so he was charged for those too.(CBS News) 

I think this woman is VERY confused about how elections work. But she'll have a lot of time to research that in prison. 

On Saturday, 28-year-old Holly Solomon of Mesa, Arizona got into a massive fight with her husband, Daniel. Turns out Daniel didn't vote. And Holly blamed HIM for PRESIDENT OBAMA's re-election.

Yes, even though MITT ROMNEY won the state of Arizona by more than 200,000 votes and STILL lost the election handily . . . it was Daniel's ONE vote that would've changed EVERYTHING.

Holly was upset because she believed their family was going to face hard times with Obama's re-election. So apparently she jumpstarted those hard times . . . by RUNNING OVER HER HUSBAND with her Jeep.

He’s still in critical condition, but is expected to make a full recovery. Holly was arrested for domestic violence and aggravated assault.  She was NOT under the influence at the time. 

Good thing when she's making no money in prison and her husband's still in the hospital. Obamacare will be there to keep him alive.

I could see someone committing a federal crime to get into Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom for free. MAYBE even Universal Studios. But not Epcot. Anything but Epcot. 

Last week, 74-year-old Emerito Pujol of Miami, Florida was in Orlando and really wanted to get into Epcot for free. So he decided to IMPERSONATE A FEDERAL OFFICER to get in.

Emerito flashed a FAKE BADGE and said he was an undercover federal officer who was pursuing a suspect inside. When a second employee came over, Emerito changed the story and said he was, quote, "guarding someone important."

They called over a sheriff's deputy . . . and at that point, Emerito admitted he wasn't an officer. He got his fake badge for contributing to a nonprofit group called the American Federation of Police.

He was arrested for unlawful use of a police badge, falsely impersonating an officer, and petty theft. (Orlando Sentinel)

In our line of work, we've seen stories about people hiding CRACK in basically every hole, flap, orifice, crevice, fold, and tunnel of their bodies. So it's VERY RARE for someone to find a new spot on the body to hide their crack.

That's why we're giving congratulations today to 49-year-old Kimberly Maroney of Punta Gorda, Florida. She may be a crackhead, but at least she's an innovative crackhead.

On Saturday, police pulled Kimberly over after they saw her drive away from a known crack house. They searched her and her truck but didn't find any crack.

But . . . they DID notice she was making strange motions with her tongue. A cop asked her to open her mouth, and saw she had dentures. He asked her to remove them, and when she did . . . he saw THREE CRACK ROCKS underneath.

That's right: She'd put the crack rocks in her toothless gums, then covered them with her dentures. Pretty creative. But not QUITE creative enough to get away with it.

She was arrested for drug possession.

KELSEY GRAMMER hit up the Playboy Mansion Halloween party over the weekend . . . with his 3-month-old daughter Faith. (???) 

TMZ says the baby was, quote, "tucked into her bassinet as the music blared" and Kelsey, quote, "whooped it up at a table next to PARIS HILTON just after midnight."

That did NOT sit well with Playmate MELISSA MAY. She Tweeted, quote, "Why the [eff] does Kelsey Grammer have a newborn baby at the Mansion party!?!?!?"

Here's a picture of Kelsey . . . minus the baby . . . at the party. (TMZ)

If you rob a bank and they give you less money than you ask for, I ain’t so sure YOU should feel RIPPED OFF. But, that's exactly what happened to 28-year-old Arthur Bundrage of East Syracuse, New York. And it got him busted.

On Monday, Arthur went into an Alliance bank branch in Syracuse and demanded $20,000. The teller shoved some money in a bag and gave it to him, even though he didn't show a weapon or make a threat. Arthur left, and the teller called the cops.

Apparently, when Arthur got a chance to look in the bag, he realized the teller gave him LESS than the 20 grand he'd demanded. And he felt RIPPED OFF.

So, he went BACK to the bank to demand the rest of the money . . . WHILE the cops were there investigating the robbery. 

He was arrested and charged with fourth-degree grand larceny. 

Back on October 10th, a police officer in San Antonio, Texas spotted a car parked by the side of the road. When he looked inside, he saw 48-year-old Sheila Bailey Eubank tied up with ROPE.

She told the cop a man had jumped into her car while she was at an ATM. He held a knife to her throat and forced her to drive him around so he could make drug deals. Then he choked her with the rope, tied her up, and left her.

The cops started searching for the drug dealer, but they didn't find him. What they DID find was a lottery ticket in Sheila's possession that she'd bought during the hours she was supposedly being held at knifepoint.

And surveillance footage from the ATM and a convenience store showed she wasn't carjacked. She was just running errands.

When the cops confronted her, Sheila admitted she'd made the entire thing up. She said she just WANTED ATTENTION . . . and, quote, "a day off from work." It's not clear who helped her by TYING HER UP or if she somehow did it herself.

She was arrested for a felony charge of aggravated perjury. 

From my perspective, it looks like this woman had her entire night planned when she went out shoplifting.

On October 6th, 52-year-old Karen Bartlett of Palm City, Florida went to a Publix grocery store and shoplifted a LARGE CHEESE LOG.

But you know what happens when you eat an entire log of cheese. It BLOCKS YOU UP. So Karen planned to give herself some relief . . . by also shoplifting LAXATIVES.

But a security guard saw her steal the cheese log and the laxatives, and called the cops. She was arrested for misdemeanor retail theft.

Look, lady . . . it ain’t the LINGERIE'S FAULT your boyfriend dumped you.

42-year-old Jennifer Colwell of Dana Point, California and her boyfriend broke up earlier this week. And it was a BAD breakup, especially for Jennifer. And her grief took a VERY strange form.

During the relationship, Jennifer's boyfriend had bought her a lot of LINGERIE from a store called Intimate Obsessions. Around 12:30 A.M.on Tuesday, Jennifer gathered up all the lingerie, put it in a pillowcase, and headed to the store.

Then she SOAKED the pillowcase of lingerie in GASOLINE, set it on FIRE, and threw it at the store. Her goal was to use it as a sexy Molotov cocktail to BURN DOWN THE STORE.

Fortunately, firefighters got there before the fire spread too much and put it out. Jennifer was arrested and charged with FELONY ARSON.

You'd think rule number one of running a meth lab is that you don't make a big sign advertising your meth lab. That MIGHT draw attention.

On Friday morning, police in Memphis, Tennessee spotted a driver in a red pickup truck with the words "METH LAB" written on his back windshield and driver's side window.

They pulled him over and, believe it or not . . . the truck actually WAS a mobile meth lab.

Hazmat crews ended up removing all the dangerous chemicals from his truck. The driver was arrested on outstanding warrants and for new meth charges. 

Manatees are beautifully ugly and gentle animals. And because they're not particularly good at protecting themselves, there are laws set up to protect them. In Florida it's illegal to, quote, "annoy, molest, harass, or disturb" a manatee. 

This woman did NOT know that.

On Sunday afternoon a woman was photographed taking a JOYRIDE on a MANATEE'S BACK in Fort De Soto, Florida.

She's ain't exactly a small woman either but the police say it doesn't appear the manatee she rode was hurt.

The police are looking for her. She's facing a second-degree misdemeanor charge for manatee riding which is punishable by up to 60 days in jail and a $500 fine. (NBC 5 - West Palm Beach)

The stereotypical "crazy cat lady" doesn't get married. She lives alone in a hoarder house with anywhere from 17 to 74 cats, until she dies and the cats go feral and stay alive by eating her corpse.

And maybe that's for the best . . . because THIS is what happens when a hardcore cat lady gets married.

On Tuesday morning, 42-year-old Audrey Deen Miller of Spring, Texas was at home with her husband. And for whatever reason, he threatened to shoot one of her cats with a PELLET GUN and throw it over a fence.

So Audrey grabbed her REAL gun, a .40-caliber semiautomatic handgun, and SHOT her husband in the stomach. Police say, quote, "The husband was trying to do something to the cat and the wife was just trying to protect her cat."

The husband was rushed to the hospital in stable condition. He ended up leaving in his hospital gown and heading back home, but he couldn't get in because the police had Audrey and he didn't have keys.

The police found several other cats at the house, plus some dogs and some marijuana. Audrey was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. The cat was fine. 

I've never robbed a house. But if I did, I assume my adrenaline would be at an all-time high. AND I'd be whistling the "Mission: Impossible" theme song the whole time. Not this guy.

On Friday, 20-year-old Cristian Villarreal-Castillo broke into a house in Hillsboro, Oregon. After he grabbed a few small electronics, he apparently decided to lay down on the kitchen floor and go to sleep.

When the guy who lived there came home, he found Cristian sleeping on his kitchen floor and called the cops.

Cristian was arrested for burglary, attempted theft, trespassing, and criminal mischief. He was also linked to a break-in earlier that day . . . but he didn't fall asleep during that one.

A few months ago, 19-year-old Dakoda Garren of Vancouver, Washington was doing some odd jobs at a home in Woodland, Washington. And while he was in the house, he stole a box of coins.

The coins were a rare and valuable collection worth about $100,000. But Dakoda didn't know that. He just thought they were regular face value quarters and silver dollars.

So he spent them . . . on PIZZA and MOVIE TICKETS. One of the coins he spent at the pizza place was a Libertyquarter worth approximately $18,500. He used it as an actual quarter, worth 25 cents.

Fortunately, someone at the movie theater had heard about the missing coins and a reward for whomever found them.

They called the police, who already suspected Dakoda . . . and last week, they were able to connect him to the pizza and the movie. He was arrested and charged with first-degree theft.

I'm glad I wasn't the judge in this case. Because I would've been LAUGHING SO HARD, this woman would've gotten a mistrial.

51-year-old Alison Whelan of Devon, England was in court this week for an incident that happened last September. Alison was on a two-day drinking bender, AND high on some hallucinogenic drugs. And she and a friend were looking for a place to crash.

They stumbled down toward a river and Alison decided to STEAL A BOAT. As she tried to unhook it from the dock, the cops arrived. Which is when Alison uncorked one of the best real-life criminal catchphrases possible.

She yelled at the cops, quote, "I'M JACK SPARROW!" Then she tried to drive off in the boat.

If you don't get the reference, Jack Sparrow is JOHNNY DEPP'S pirate character in the "Pirates of the Caribbean"movies. So it was actually a pretty on-point reference to make while drunk, high, and stealing a boat.

Anyway, Alison only floated a short distance before the police stopped the boat. And this week she was sentenced to four months in prison for aggravated vehicle theft. 

Back on July 20th, 18-year-old Paula Asher of Woodford County, Kentucky T-BONED another car carrying four teenagers. Yup . . . she was DRUNK, and drove off. Cops quickly tracked her down and arrested her for a DUI, and the hit-and-run.

And when Paula got home, she decided her first move should be . . . telling her friends on Facebook what happened. So she posted, quote, "My dumb [a**] got a DUI and hit a car . . . LOL."

Thank the Good Lord, none of the teenagers she hit were KILLED. But when their parents found out that Paula was publicly LOLing over hitting them, they alerted the county.

On August 14th, Paula was in court and the judge told her to deactivate her Facebook account. Paula didn't. So the judge just hit Paula with TWO DAYS IN JAIL for CONTEMPT OF COURT.

Those two days will probably seem like nothing compared to what she gets for being an underage drunk driver who committed a hit-and-run . . . but the "LOL" post on Facebook and refusing to delete her account definitely won't help her get leniency.

So, you've got $1,200 in counterfeit $50 bills. What's the first thing you buy? Well, Sunday night, ole Larry J. Jones of Buffalo, New York decided to take all that counterfeit money and go buy himself . . . some French fries.

Maybe he made the clerk at the restaurant suspicious because he was trying to buy a few dollars worth of fries with a 50. Maybe he made the clerk suspicious because they were really bad forgeries. But either way, the clerk told security.

They held Larry until the cops could come. And during that brief window of time, Larry decided to try to EAT the counterfeit money to destroy the evidence. Or maybe he was hungry because he didn't get his fries?

The security guards got the bills out of his mouth before he could properly chew and swallow them. Larry was arrested for criminal possession of a forged instrument, and tampering with physical evidence, both of which are felonies. 

There's only one way to play AC/DC music. And that's with the volume jacked up to WAKE UP THE NEIGHBORS. 53-year-old Joyce Coffey of Epping, New Hampshire is living proof. 

Last Tuesday afternoon, Joyce's neighbors called the cops because Joyce was BLASTING "Highway To Hell". The police arrested her for a noise violation.

A few hours later, she was home and blasting music again. It's not clear if it was AC/DC . . . but it IS clear that it was loud enough to get her neighbors to call the cops. So she was arrested again.

A few hours later, she was home again. And AGAIN, she was blasting music. She was arrested AGAIN.

And finally, she was home again and THREW A FRYING PAN at her nephew. Which got her arrested AGAIN, for the fourth time in 26 hours. This one actually stuck and the cops decided NOT to release her right away.

50-year-old Jeffrey Eberhart of Augusta, Kansas and his 41-year-old wife Tracey own a GREAT business. Tracey's Dream Weavers Salon and Sporting Goods. It's a hair salon . . . AND a gun store.

The slogan on their website is "Where beauty and bullets collide." But let's hope they're better at hair styling than gun sales.

When Tracey got them a federal license to sell guns, she never mentioned her husband. And there was a reason. Jeffrey was convicted of felony arson in 1982 . . . and as a felon, it's illegal for him to own guns.

By opening the store, Jeffrey is now in possession of a TON of guns.

The ATF found out about Jeffrey's involvement at a gun show in January, and started an investigation. On Wednesday, Tracey was charged with aiding a felon in possessing firearms, and providing firearms to a convicted felon.

Jeffrey was charged with unlawful possession of a firearm as a felon and dealing firearms without a license. Tracey could get up to 20 years in federal prison and $500,000 in fines . . . Jeffrey could get 15 years and $500,000 in fines.

I reckon this is a great way to get your husband to stop acting like an idiot.

On Monday, a woman from La Crosse, Wisconsin says her 53-year-old husband was annoying her. Apparently he was, quote, "talking stupidly" and wouldn't stop swearing. 

So the woman decided she was going to get him to stop . . . by pulling into a police station and turning him in for his two outstanding warrants.

She pulled into the La Crosse police headquarters, got out, told the officer about her husband . . . and they arrested him. 

There's no word what the warrants were for, what kind of sentence he's looking at . . . or what exact stupid things he was saying. 

People don't suspect KURT COBAIN is secretly alive the way they do with Elvis or 2Pac or Andy Kaufman. But I'll tell you this: If Cobain IS still alive, he's probably not hiding in plain sight by working at Denny's.

Early Monday, police in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina found a man drunkenly passed out in the hallway of a hotel.

When they woke him up, he told them he was KURT COBAIN. And actually, he does kinda look a little like Kurt Cobain. Maybe. A little.

But when the cops searched his wallet, they found he WASN'T actually Cobain. He was 22-year-old Ernest Evens of Conway, South Carolina. . . who works at a DENNY'S and not as the frontman of one of the world's most legendary bands.

Ernest was arrested for public intoxication AND for providing police with a false name.

51-year-old George Boedecker of Boulder, Coloradois one of the founders of CROCS. He's a multimillionaire thanks to the world's inexplicable love of hideously ugly, yet comfortable, brightly-colored rubber clogs. And apparently . . . he's also delusional.

On Sunday, the cops got a call about Boedecker driving drunk in his Porsche. By the time they got there, he'd pulled over and was asleep in the driver's seat. And when the cops woke him up, Boedecker told them they had it wrong.

He told them HE wasn't driving drunk, it was his girlfriend . . . TAYLOR SWIFT. Yup, THE Taylor Swift.

Obviously Taylor Swift isn't actually his girlfriend . . . we're guessing he's never even met her. He was just really drunk . . . and ranting. He also repeatedly cursed out the cops and told them they'd just become his enemies for life.

He was arrested for drunk driving. And the police report mentions he was wearing flip-flops at the time of his arrest . . . NOT Crocs. 

19-year-old Humza Bajwa is a student at Fordham University in New York City. And he's a GIANT fan of a video game called "RuneScape".

It's one of those massive multiplayer online role playing games roughly similar to "World of Warcraft"  . . . even though I'm sure its fans would laugh until their asthma kicked in if they heard us make that comparison.

Last month, Humza wanted to get more gold coins in "RuneScape". One of his classmates had a ton of coins.

So Humza arranged a meeting with the guy to pay cash for the coins . . . but showed up with a realistic-looking BB GUN, held it to the guy's head, and demanded 4.7 billion in "RuneScape" coins.

The guy transferred the coins . . . then called the police. And even though Humza committed a robbery for fake coins using a fake gun . . . he's looking at up to 15 YEARS in REALPRISON for second-degree robbery and grand larceny.

On Monday night, 24-year-old Tiffany Sherry of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania was doing the dishes. Her boyfriend, Michael Martinez, came up behind her and gave her a SLAP on the BUTT.

Tiffany was BADLY sunburned on her buttocks from the weekend . . . and Michael knew it . . . but he slapped her anyway.

She was FURIOUS . . . so she picked up a STEAK KNIFE and STABBED Michael in the shoulder and the stomach.

He was taken to the hospital for treatment. She was arrested and is facing several charges.

Believe it or not, this AIN'T the first time Tiffany has used silverware to assault someone. In 2008 she stabbed a man with a fork during an argument. 

Here's exhibit number 43,985 for why Facebook and politics just don't mix.

Last weekend, 38-year-old Crystal Gray of Clinton, Tennessee posted a photo of MITT ROMNEY on her Facebook page. Turns out her 40-year-old boyfriend Lowell Turpin has no idea who that is.

So he FLIPPED OUT . . . and thought Crystalposted the photo because she was HAVING AN AFFAIR with the handsome dude she'd just put on Facebook.   

They got into an argument, and he wasn't buying her claims that the photo was of a guy running for president. So he ended up SMASHING her computer against a wall.

Turpin was arrested for domestic assault. And by the way, according to the police report, he's 5-foot-8 . . . 310 pounds. 

Hasn't this guy ever heard of faking a fever to get out of work early? Or making up a doctor's appointment? ANYTHING but this.

24-year-old Casey James Fury of Portsmouth, New Hampshirewas a civilian contractor who was working on one of the Navy's NUCLEAR SUBMARINES. On both May 23rd and June 16th, he wanted to get out of work early.

So his strategy was . . . to START FIRES. On a NUCLEAR sub.

According to an affidavit filed yesterday, he did about $400 MILLION in damage between the two fires. He said he wanted to get out of work because he suffers from anxiety, and his ex-girlfriend had just started dating another man.

On both days, he DID get out of work early. And as a reward, he's facing a possible sentence of . . . LIFEIN PRISON for arson. That's right. Life. 

How is it possible no one got a photo of this with their cell phone. Shame on you, people of Upper Darby, Pennsylvania. 

On Saturday, at 12:49 P.M., security guards at a Pathmark grocery store in Upper Darby spotted 26-year-old Aishana Clayton shoplifting a package of diapers. They grabbed her . . . and she fought back.

In the process, she got free . . . but one of the guards grabbed a handful of her shirt. It RIPPED OFF and she wasn't wearing a bra. So Aishana ran out of there, TOPLESS.

As the police report says, (and I absolutely LOVE this line) quote, "Her breasts were swinging as she ran to the car."

She sped off, still topless. Police found her car abandoned nearby . . . she must've left it and ran off, STILL TOPLESS. Somehow, she's still on the lam . . . police are looking for her. 

So you get to the airport and realize you brought your GUN. You don't want the TSAto confiscate it but you don't have time to take it home or you'll miss your flight. WHAT DO YOU DO? The answer is . . . not this. 

On June 24th, 69-year-old Soren Muir Johnson of Eagle Point, Oregon was flying out of Portlandand realized he had his loaded gun with him. 

So he came up with a BRILLIANT plan: He'd hide the gun underneath a PLANTER BOXin the airport. That way, he could just grab it when he got back from his trip. 

But security watched him hide the gun . . . and he was arrested for reckless endangerment.

By the way, if you find yourself in this situation, you AREallowed to put a gun in your checked luggage. You have to declare it when you check in, the gun can't be loaded, and it has to be in a hard, locked container.

This sounds like something you'd see in a slapstick British comedy Benny Hill movie.

It actually happened to this idiot in real life. 

On Sunday, 38-year-old Thomas Molina of Albuquerque, New Mexico tried to break into Central New Mexico Community College to steal some computer equipment. 

But when he broke through the window, he got trapped . . . by some WINDOW BLINDS. 

He got tangled in the blinds so badly that he couldn't get away. The police came, got him out of the blinds, and arrested him.

He's been charged with burglary and breaking and entering. Sadly . . . there's no picture of Molina trapped in the blinds.(CBS 13 - Albuquerque) 

Usually when you think about a heist this elaborate, you picture professional thieves breaking into a bank or an art museum or something. You DON'T expect this. 

Around 2:00 A.M. Saturday, three highly-skilled thieves in Chicago pulled off a "MissionImpossible" style heist to steal . . . HAIR EXTENSIONS. $230,000 worth of hair extensions!!

The thieves broke into an empty store that was next door to the beauty supply shop they were targeting, called 35th StreetBeauty Supply.

They broke through the wall, then carefully crawled through the beauty supply store to avoid its LASER MOTION DETECTORS.

Then they filled six duffel bags with the store's most valuable hair extensions. The store owner says the thieves, quote, "knew what they were doing" since they only stole his best stuff, made from real hair.

Here's the problem with stealing a ridiculous amount of garlic. When you're hauling it away, you're going to STINK like garlic, and everyone who comes within a mile of you is going to SMELL YOU. You just can't hide that smell.

Five thieves from Romania clearly didn't realize that.

Earlier this week, they stole 9.5 TONS of garlic from a warehouse in Spain. That's 19,000 POUNDS of garlic. They loaded it into three vans . . . then started driving across Europe toward Romaniawith the garlic in tow.

They made it through France and Slovenia without getting caught . . . but as they drove through Austriaand hit the Austrian-Hungarian border, police stationed there caught the OVERPOWERING STENCH of garlic.

They searched the three vans . . . which were apparently SAGGING from the weight of all the garlic . . . and confiscated all of it. The value was about $37,500. All five men were arrested for receiving stolen goods.

The men were from the Transylvania region of Romania. And no, they didn't steal the garlic to ward off Dracula. Garlic is popular with tourists who visit, so it's believed they planned to sell it. 

It's always nice to see fathers and sons doing things together. Even this. 

About 6:00 A.M. Friday morning, a 39-year-old man and his 18-year-old son were home in Anchorage, Alaska. And apparently, they were doing some father-son bonding over marijuana, LSD, and ecstasy. Their names weren't released.

Eventually that father-son bonding turned into arguing . . . over a woman they both apparently liked. Then they started arguing over who was going to get to do the rest of the drugs. And THEN things got ugly.

First the 18-year-old stripped NAKED, and then the father stripped down naked too. Then they started wrestling. They WRECKED their house, CRASHED through a front window, and kept brawling naked in the street.

Then they took their anger out on the neighborhood. One neighbor says the 18-year-old, quote, "just snapped off [my mailbox]. Then he drop-kicked my pickup a couple times. I didn't see any damage to it. Of course, he was barefoot."

Both men were arrested for assault. The father also got a resisting arrest charge and the son got a criminal mischief charge.

If a couple starts screaming threats at each other for long enough, there's a good chance the cops will show up. But you'd think they'd have to actually be SCREAMING those threats . . . not just writing them in ALL CAPS.

That's apparently what happened last week in Montgomery City, in eastern Missouri. Police responded to a domestic violence complaint where a couple was home and fighting . . . but only by sending angry TEXT MESSAGES to each other.

We're not sure who called the cops, but when they got there, one of the people showed them their phone, so the police could read the whole argument.

The cops decided that no serious threats had been made, so no domestic violence charges were filed over the angry text argument.

Here's a great reason not to force your boyfriend or husband to take one of those horrible quizzes in "Cosmopolitan". Not only does it make him briefly consider killing himself . . . but if things go wrong, it might make YOU try to kill him. 

That's exactly what went down on Sunday in Mesa, Arizona. 22-year-old Noelle Clough and her husband were doing a quiz in "Cosmo" about their EXES. That's a pretty volatile thing to take a quiz on . . . and it exploded.

It's not clear what exactly they were saying that made each other angry . . . although we can guess one or both of them made it clear they still had some feelings for their exes. But things got UGLY.

Eventually, Noelle's husband threw two kitchen knives across the floor and told her to STAB HIM. And she DID . . . she stabbed him in the back with a four-inch paring knife.

The cops say they'd been drinking. The husband was not seriously injured from the stabbing . . . Noelle was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.(AZ Family) 

We aren't sure exactly which "Cosmo" quiz they took, but we did find this recent one called "Are You Way Too Obsessed With Your Ex?". And we could see THAT leading to a knife fight.

We hear about brawls at weddings all the time over here, but usually they're at low-budget affairs. You don't usually hear about them happening at $60,000 weddings in fancy British castles. 

That's exactly what happened over the weekend. 25-year-old Danny Gutherie is a professional British soccer player, and on Sunday he got married to 23-year-old Rebecca Middleman at the Allerton Castle near Harrogate, England.

According to reports, even though it was an expensive and upscale wedding, everyone was HAMMERED drunk . . . and as people were sitting down to dinner, a fight broke out.

How do people fight at a classy wedding? In this case, it started with them THROWING LOBSTERS at each other . . . then ended when someone PUNCHED the bride in the FACE.

She was taken to the hospital. Police came to break things up, although they didn't say if any arrests were made. Then ended up having to come back two more times when MORE problems broke out.

In West Palm Beach, Florida, a man attacked another man over who's the, quote, "BETTER MEXICAN." It's virtually impossible to do something like that without painfully reinforcing tired stereotypes . . . which this idiot seemed happy to do. 

The fight happened months ago, but arrests were just made on Sunday. 

Back in March, 26-year-old Rudy "El Caballo" Yhoan showed up at a 35-year-old man's house. That man's name wasn't released, but he says he didn't know Rudy. 

Rudy declared he was a, quote, "better Mexican" . . . and thought he'd prove it by pointing a GUN and threatening to shoot. Then he told the 35-year-old he'd shoot him the NEXT time he saw him and drove off.

Then on April 9th, Rudy saw the same guy riding his bike . . . and tried to run him over. The man jumped off his bike, and Rudy attacked him.

Rudy was arrested for aggravated battery and two counts of aggravated assault. The 35-year-old had some bad cuts and bruises.

When this ole boy get's on cell-block 12 . . . he better have a better story than THIS.

I love when a DINE-AND-DASH goes wrong. Because people are always good at the dining part . . . but keep coming up with new ways to botch the dashing aspect.

Here's the latest. Earlier this week, four teenagers were at a restaurant called Cinderella's in Sylvan Beach, New York. They ate their meal . . . then took off without paying the bill.

But when they got to the car, their plan fell apart. Turns out the 17-year-old girl who was driving had LOCKED HER KEYS in the car.

They thought about calling Triple-A, but decided it would take too long. So they idiotically went with option two, going to a police station down the street for help.

By that point, employees from the restaurant had called the cops and filled them in on what happened . . . and all four were arrested for theft of services.

People generally think pretty highly of brain surgeons and their intelligence. Like, if you want to say something's easy, you say "It doesn't take a brain surgeon" to do it. But this guy might singlehandedly ruin that reputation. 

Dr. Steve Carr is a brain surgeon in Denver, Colorado. Last month, he and his girlfriend Mary were on vacation in Naples, Florida . . . and he wanted to propose to her.

So he decided to BURY the engagement ring in the sand, take Mary to the beach, dig up the ring, and propose. But when they got to the beach . . . he couldn't remember where he'd buried the ring. 

We're not sure if he didn't mark the spot or what, but when he couldn't find the ring, he started digging. So he told Mary what happened, and SHE started digging. Then OTHER people on the beach started digging. But no one could find the ring.

After two hours, they went online to find a local 'ring finder'. Yes, there's actually a nationwide 'Ring Finder' network that handles this kind of thing. 

A guy named Larry Spearing showed up with a metal detector, and was able to find the ring. There's no word on what he charged. Steve proposed to Mary, and for some reason she still said yes.

I'm legitimately heartbroken that no one captured this fight on camera. It could've been the viral video that broke the Internet. 

On Tuesday afternoon, a man in Athens, Georgia was furious. He'd lent a 74-year-old guy $5, and the guy hadn't paid him back.

So he grabbed his GUN . . . grabbed his small dog Benji . . . got in his WHEELCHAIR . . . and rolled over to a nearby TRAILER PARK to confront the guy about the loan.

When he got there, he found the man sitting NAKED in his trailer. The two guys got into a shouting match. You know . . . just your classic "guy with a small dog in a wheelchair" versus "naked 74-year-old at the trailer park" matchup.

Eventually the man in the wheelchair threatened to SHOOT the 74-year-old over the five bucks, so the 74-year-old called 911. The cops got there just as the men were throwing their canes at each other.

No one was hurt and no arrests were made.

Earlier this week, a woman named Cameron Holcomb in Lexington, Tennessee came home and found someone had broken into her house. But whoever it was had a STRANGE priority list for the burglary. 

A whole bunch of little things were missing, including ALL of Cameron's bras and underwear, a coloring book, cleaning supplies, laundry detergent, a frog-shaped shower mat, and boxes of tampons.

The burglar DIDN'T take Cameron's LAPTOP, or any of her expensive jewelry.

Cameron immediately suspected her neighbor, whose actual name is Stormy Winters-Moody. When the cops went to Stormy's house, she was wearing Cameron's shirt and shorts. No word on the underwear.

Stormy was arrested and charged with aggravated burglary, and theft over $1,000. Cameron is still going through her house trying to figure out what's missing. 

Before we get into this, it's important to note that a Chevy van is about six-and-a-half feet tall. Picture one of those vans that kidnappers always drive in movies. THAT'S the type of Chevrolet van we're talking about here.

On May 14th, a 78-year-old woman in Dacula, Georgia, called the police to report that her late husband's 1973 Chevy van had been STOLEN from her front yard.

The woman told the cops that the van was inoperative . . . and she was positive the doors had been locked . . . yet it had just disappeared.

Later that day, she called the police back to tell them she'd FOUND the van. And I hope she was at least a LITTLE embarrassed over what happened.

It turns out the woman wasn't much for landscaping . . . and her tall grass and weeds had grown SO HIGH they'd COMPLETLEY covered up the van. The van that's about six-and-a-half feet tall.

Facebook is just outstanding at taking down stupid criminals. And these guys are some of the stupidest.

Last week in Calima, Colombia, two men went to an Internet café, used the computers, and then when it was time to pay, they PULLED GUNS and robbed the place. Then, they took off.

The café manager called the cops. When they got there, they checked the computers the guys were using . . . and found one of them had logged into Facebook and left his page up on the screen.

The cops ran his name, got his address, and arrested him at home. There's no word if they caught the other guy too.

On Tuesday, Wisconsin held its primary for a recall election for Governor Scott Walker. Democrats have been trying to recall him since last year, and the recall election happens June 5th.

It's a pretty divisive issue in Wisconsin . . . and THIS shows just how divisive it got.

36-year-old Jeffrey Radle of Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin supports Walker. His wife, 30-year-old Amanda Radle, is in favor of the recall. On Tuesday, she wanted to go vote in the recall election primary.

Jeffrey didn't want her to. So he actually stood in the driveway to BLOCK her Dodge Durango, so she couldn't leave to vote. She tried to swerve around him, but he wouldn't move . . . and at one point, he climbed onto the hood. 

Finally, she tried to drive around him, he jumped in front of the car . . . and Amanda hit him. He was hospitalized with head, neck, and back injuries, and is in stable condition.

Amanda reported what happened to the police and the district attorney is determining whether she'll be charged. 

How unfocused of a criminal do you have to be to make THIS mistake during a robbery?

Yesterday, around 9:45 A.M., a man went into a Citibank branch in downtown Chicago, said he had a BOMB in a bag, and demanded that the teller fill up that bag with cash.

She did, and then he took off running. He just forgot one thing. THE BAG OF CASH.  Seriously. 

The bank called the bomb squad, which closed off part of the street for several hours while they checked out the bag containing the bomb and cash. It turned out there wasn't a bomb in the bag after all, it was a fake.

Police are now searching for the robber.

Earlier this month, Deidra Reed of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma got her bill from her electric company, OG&E. She felt like it was TOO HIGH.

Bless her heart, they didn’t want a deposit or a down payment . . . they wanted the WHOLE thang!!

So she allegedly called them . . . and threatened to BLOW THEM UP.

How high of a bill was it that drove her to make that threat? A bank-breaking $14.

Deidra is sort-of denying it. She told a reporter, quote, "I remember flipping out, but I don't really remember what was said."

She also says if she DID threaten to blow up the place, it was an idle threat. Quote, "I'm struggling to pay $40-a-month for rent. How the hell am I [going to] buy some bomb equipment. I don't even know how to make a bomb."

She's facing a felony charge for the threat.

See the video right here . . . CBS 9 - Oklahoma City

No matter HOW bad your tax season went, at least you're not this idiot.

On Sunday, 45-year-old Marc Saint Juste of Tamarac, Florida was returning to Florida from Haiti. But when he was going through customs at the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport, officials noticed a LARGE BULGE in his pants.

When they asked him about the bulge, he reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. When they asked to see the envelope, he refused . . . and started trying to EAT what was inside.

They stopped him in time to find out the envelope contained TEN FAKE TAX RETURN CHECKS, totaling $62,366.87. The forged checks were made in Haiti, and were made out to different people in Florida.

For trying to EAT HIS FAKE TAX RETURNS, Marc was arrested on 10 counts of attempting to use another person's identification.

Tom Riley. U.S. Army (Retired) from Ardensent this one to us. Thank you, sir! And thank you for your service to this fine country!!

If everyone in the Taliban is really this UNBELIEVABLY STUPID, it's time to cross them off the "potential threats" list. Because this . . . is just idiotic.

Mohammad Ashan is a mid-level Taliban commander in eastern Afghanistan. He was suspected of planning two attacks on Afghan security forces.

So there were wanted posters up around town featuring his photo and offering a $100 REWARD for his capture. And last week, Ashan TURNED HIMSELF IN to Afghan security forces . . . because he WANTED THE HUNDRED BUCKS.

He walked right up to a police checkpoint holding his wanted poster in his hand, announced who he was, and demanded the fee. Quote, "We asked him, 'Is this you?' [He] answered, 'Yes, yes, that's me! Can I get my award now?'"

U.S. troops couldn't believe it when they were called over to check him out . . . but they gave him a biometric scan and it really WAS him.

An official told reporters, quote, "This guy is the Taliban equivalent of the 'Home Alone' burglars."

He's now in custody . . . and we're pretty sure he didn't get the reward. 

This happened earlier this month in Brazil, but it just came across our radar . . . and it's great. 

Ronaldo Silva is a suspected drug trafficker who was locked up in Brazil. When his wife came to visit, they worked to coordinate his brilliant escape attempt.

She gave Ronaldo HER CLOTHES. He put on a black wig, her blue dress, her bra, lipstick, fake nails, and high heels . . . and she switched into shorts and another top she brought. Somehow they did all this without the guards catching on.

And then, Ronaldo walked out of prison like he was a visitor. He actually managed to get past several of the guards AND some cops patrolling on the street. He got to the nearest bus station before one cop became suspicious.

What tipped him off? He noticed the "woman" was having a hell of a time walking in the high heels. When he got closer, he figured out the woman was a man. Ronaldo is now back in prison.

49-year-old Lawrence Deptola tried to rob three different banks in Utica, New York on Thursday afternoon.

Lawrence came away from each bank empty-handed . . . probably because he was armed with a toilet plunger.

He went into each bank and shouted obscenities while threatening the tellers with the plunger. Police saw him leaving the third bank, and chased him down. He's been charged with felony attempted robbery. 

Not only that, but Lawrence lost his plunger. It was recovered in the lobby of Citizen's Bank.

Here's another reason to PULL UP YOUR PANTS. Someone FINALLY got thrown in jail JUST for having their pants sagging too low. HA!

On Tuesday, 20-year-old LaMarcus Ramsey of Prattville, Alabama was appearing in court to enter a plea for a stolen property case.  But the judge, John Bush, wasn't focused so much on that.

He zeroed in on LaMarcus's pants . . . which were in a DEEP SAG.

And Bush decided to hold LaMarcus in contempt because, quote, "you showed your butt in court. You can spend three days in jail. When you get out you can buy pants that fit, or at least get a belt . . . so your underwear doesn't show."

LaMarcus's trial is on June 11th for alleged theft of an air conditioner from a church.

It's a fine line between insanity and genius. This guy might be a genius.

On Tuesday, around 6:15 P.M., police in Indianapolisgot a call that 19-year-old Leonard Fodera was walking down the street TOTALLY NUDE. And when the cops stopped him, he gave his genius excuse.

He told them he was naked because, quote, "it's opposite day."

For reference, it was NOT actually opposite day.

As good of an excuse as that was, one of the cops had an equally strong response. 

Officer Michael O'Connor told Leonard, quote, "Fine, in that case, you are NOT going to jail for public indecency."

Leonard was arrested.

Look, if we all called 911 every time a fast food meal let us down, they'd never get a chance to address real crimes.

But . . . that didn't stop this lady.

Last week, 50-year-old Donna Marie Nichols of Rockwood, Tennessee went to a HARDEE'S and got herself a hamburger. She took a bite . . . it was awful . . . and she was FURIOUS.

So . . . she called 911. She told them that Hardee's food is, quote, "no good" and that her burger was, quote, "nasty." 

When 911 ended the call with her, she called BACK to complain more . . . and to ask the cops to come get her a refund.

Instead, they arrested for abusing the 911 system.

Pretty much every sitcom has featured the joke where someone asks a woman when her baby's due and she says, "Um, I'm not pregnant."  Well . . . that actually happened in real life in Florida. And it led to a BRAWL. 

Back on February 26th, 46-year-old Jessie Mae Dorsey of Fort Pierce, Florida saw a woman walking down the street. That woman's name wasn't released. Jessie asked her when she was due.

The woman said she wasn't pregnant . . . she was, quote, "JUST GETTING FAT." 

Jessie responded that she's had five kids and, quote, "I know how you walk when you're pregnant." The argument kept escalating . . . and then it got PHYSICAL. 

Jessie attacked the woman, threw a cinder block chunk at her, pulled her hair, and bit her face.

Seems a Colorado crook got a case of remorse after stealing a bicycle . . . because he left it at a courthouse with a note saying he'd only taken it because he was too drunk to drive.

Authorities called Jay Maytin to inform him that his 13-year-old two-wheeler had been left at the Aspen courthouse along with a brief apology reading, "Sorry. I stole this bike. I rode it home. Please give it back. Drunk."

Maytin says he has no interest in pressing charges or finding out the identity of the tipsy rider, saying, "I knew a drunk took it because it doesn't have much of a re-sale value."

A clerk at a Florida store found a unique way to identify a teenager who tried to rob the place at gunpoint . . . by asking him to write down his name and address for her.

She apparently realized the high level of stupidity emanating from said teenager.

The woman, whose name was not released, declined to open her cash register for 17-year-old Cody Conner, but instead told him he might be able to earn some dough by filling out a job application, which he agreed to do.

The two hugged and shared a cigarette, then Conner went home to await word on that new job . . . only to find cops waiting on him.  

The teen was promptly arrested and taken to juvenile detention.

On Thursday night, 22-year-old Alan Golden of Los Cruces, New Mexixo, ate dinner at Applebee's with two women. Their check was less than $30. Which apparently was too rich for Alan's blood. So he decided to DINE-AND-DASH.

There was just one SMALL thing he didn't realize.  

His waiter that night was a cop. The waiter handling the next table over was a cop. The hosts in the front were also cops. 

It's because Applebee's was hosting a POLICE FUNDRAISER that night called Tip-A-Cop . . . o all of the employees were cops raising money for New Mexixo's Special Olympians.

When Alan dined-and-dashed, he was immediately SWARMED by cops working there and arrested. He's facing a charge of obtaining services less than $100. 

Back on February 12th, in Salem, Massachusetts, two men stole a GIANT ICE SCUPLTURE of a DRAGON'S HEAD from an outdoor display. There was no particular reason. Apparently they just kinda wanted it.

The police spotted the guys carrying the head and arrested them. They were 47-year-old William Hare and 30-year-old Rajendra Srivastava, and both were charged with larceny and receiving stolen property.

But now, it looks like these two might have a chance to walk. Because . . . the EVIDENCE HAS MELTED.

On Tuesday, an officer went into the evidence room where the dragon head was being stored in a freezer . . . and found the freezer had been turned off. The ice sculpture was 75% melted by the time he got there. 

Two women in Hawaiiare suing Petco, because dog groomers there accidentally CUT OFF their dogs' body parts and tried to hide it.

Estelle Green from Oahusaid her three-year-old dog Gilzale came back from a grooming appointment at Petco with the TIP of her TAIL MISSING . . . and still bleeding. 

Petco's response was to offer her ANOTHER grooming appointment, for free. But Estelle's husband happens to be a lawyer and filed suit.

A friend of theirs, Gladys Kapuwai, is also involved in the suit. Her Pomeranian-Maltese mix Dodo came back from the Petco groomers with dried blood covering her ear. 

When Gladys took Dodo to the vet, she realized the groomers had accidentally CUT OFF the bottom of Dodo's ear, then tried to GLUE it back in place, so Gladys wouldn't find out.

Obviously it didn't work, and eventually the piece of Dodo's ear FELL OFF!

A Kentucky man found himself in a sticky situation when cops responded to a call that he'd broken into a supermarket . . . and found him naked, except for gobs of chocolate and peanut butter smeared all over his body.

Deputies say that Andrew Toothman didn't appear to have any intention of stealing anything from the market, where he also set off several fire extinguishers to compound the candy-coated mess he'd made with his body.

Here’s the BEST part: othman even apologized for the vandalism spree . . . by spelling out the word "sorry" by pouring NyQuil on the store manager's office.

We're thinking he'll get his just desserts when he appears before a judge.

55-year-old John Hughes of Butte, Montanagot to cross an item off his bucket list, Thursday night . . . by leading police on a high-speed chase.  

John was completely sober and had done nothing wrong, but he said he'd always wanted to see what a police chase would be like. 

So, at about 3:30 A.M., he found a patrol car and began to tailgate it. After seven blocks, he sped off at 70 miles an hour. As he'd hoped, the cop went after him.

The chase eventually hit 100 miles an hour. Police finally stopped him with spiked "stop sticks" in the road.

They approached the car with guns drawn, and John surrendered. He told them about his lifelong wish and said he, quote, "was having a bad day" and wanted to go for a drive. He was charged with misdemeanor reckless driving while eluding police.

Back on January 20th, 49-year-old Evelyn Marie Fuller of Carmichaels, Pennsylvania robbed a bank. She said she had a gun, the teller gave her some cash, and she got away. 

The bank employees described her to the cops as a woman who appeared NOT TO HAVE TEETH.

On Tuesday, the police spotted her, noticed her lack of teeth . . . and linked her to the robbery.

She eventually admitted to robbing the bank because she wanted money for . . . DENTURES. Which, ya know, DOES make sense.

She's facing two counts of robbery, one count of theft, and one count of making terroristic threats.(Observer-Reporter)

Back on January 20th, 49-year-old Evelyn Marie Fuller of Carmichaels, Pennsylvania robbed a bank. She said she had a gun, the teller gave her some cash, and she got away. 

The bank employees described her to the cops as a woman who appeared NOT TO HAVE TEETH.

On Tuesday, the police spotted her, noticed her lack of teeth . . . and linked her to the robbery.

She eventually admitted to robbing the bank because she wanted money for . . . DENTURES. Which, ya know, DOES make sense.

She's facing two counts of robbery, one count of theft, and one count of making terroristic threats.(Observer-Reporter)

This crime shows that fine, fine line between BALLSY and IDIOTIC.

Last Friday, just after midnight, 25-year-old Tonia Rene Hart of St. Louis Missouri, called the cops and told them her boyfriend had just stolen her keys after a fight. So the cops came, picked her up, and drove to her boyfriend's house to get her keys. 

They left her in the car when they went inside to look for the keys, but couldn't find them. And they thought that was the end of it.

It was not. Just TEN MINUTES later, they got a call about a woman using a suspicious debit card at a mini-mart. Turns out it was Tonia . . . and the debit card belonged to one OF THE COPS. 

The whole argument with her boyfriend was a fake. While the cops were in her boyfriend's house, Tonia had stolen $50 and a debit card out of one of their bags. Then she used it for groceries, cigarettes, and lottery tickets. 

On the list of excuses to give the police for running around naked, this should go right near the top. 

On Tuesday, police in Australia's Northern Territory caught a man named Paul Thompson NAKED . . . after he pulled a knife on an undercover cop and stole his bag.

Anyway, once they arrested him, he explained why he was committing crimes in the nude. He said it wasn't him . . . someone else had taken him over and was, quote, "JOYRIDING HIS BODY."

He was arrested, and he'll undergo mental health testing.

36-year-old Douglas Nichols of Athens, Tennesseeis CLEARLY addicted to prescription drugs. Because you'd HAVE to be addicted to attempt something THIS stupid. 

Douglas's sister is dead. We don't know her age or how she died . . . we just know that she had active prescriptions for Xanax and hydrocodone when she died.   

Douglas got his hands on those prescriptions . . . and decided his best move was to DRESS UP AS HIS DEAD SISTER to get them filled. That's stupid AND morbid.

He put on makeup and a wig and went to the pharmacy. The first time he tried, it worked. They gave him the pills. 

On Tuesday, he went back a second time . . . and the pharmacy staff figured out that something was wrong, and called the cops.

Douglas is facing several charges, including prescription fraud.

I'm guessing McDonald's is too concerned about their image to run with this NAUGHTY STORY and build a marketing campaign about how good their McNuggets are. 

Last week, police in Burbank, California got a call about a woman standing outside a McDonald's around 11pm. 

Apparently, she was standing by the drive-thru, offering every driver, um . . . FAVORS in exchange for Chicken McNuggets 

There's no word on how many McNuggets she wanted, or what specifically she was willing to do for them. 

The woman is 31-year-old Khadijah Baseer of Los Angles. She was arrested for suspicion of prostitution and loitering.

32-year-old Leah Efay Davis got caught shoplifting from a JC Penney at Provo, Utah's University Mall early last week, and came up with our 'Stupid Legal Defense of the Day.' 

Leah was caught with four purses and four pajamas worth $591. And she tried to convince police to let her go . . . by claiming she played RUDY on "The Cosby Show". 

In Leah's defense, she is the same age as Keshia Knight Pulliam is now . . . the actress who really DID play Rudy . . . and she's got the three-word name. On the other hand, actually being Rudy probably wouldn't have gotten her off anyway.

But Leah didn't just rely on the "I'm Rudy," defense. She also said that she OWNED the mall. And she told police she was eight months pregnant. We're not sure if that one was true or not.

Leah was charged with third-degree felony theft. She's been caught shoplifting before and was banned from the mall because of it. So police also charged her with criminal trespassing

Here's Leah's mugshot. There's absolutely NO resemblance . . . maybe good enough to get her some free drinks over the years . . . but not enough to stay out of jail.

Every day this fall, 36-year-old Melissa Addison of Chesterfield, Virginia dropped her kids off at school in the morning.

And then, on 27 of those days, she pulled away from the school . . . and went straight to her side job as a BURGLAR. 

According to the police in Henrico County, Georgia, between October 26th and the 2nd of this month, Melissa broke into and robbed 27 different houses after she dropped her kids off at school.

They finally caught up with her last Monday after getting a tip. She's been arrested and confessed to all 27 burglaries.

You're not a real American unless you appreciate a good box of wine. Drinking wine out of fancy things like bottles is for the French. So it PAINS me to see a box of wine treated like this. 

Last week, 44-year-old Karen Rowand of East Naples, Florida was arrested for assaulting her live-in boyfriend with a box of wine. 

Apparently, Rowand was mad at her boyfriend because she believed he'd charged $2,000 on her credit card. He denied it. She was drunk . . . and ANGRY.

So . . . she grabbed the box of wine she'd been drinking out of and threw it at him. It hit him in the FACE. Then she took a half-full beer can and threw it at him. That ALSO hit him in the face.

There's no word on what type of box wine or beer she threw.

But I'm going to speculate it's that generic Costco brand of wine, and Miller Genuine Draft.

When the police got there, the boyfriend had a cut under his eye and blood dripping down his face. Rowand was arrested for battery. 

Add this to the pile of frivolous lawsuits that show it's WAY too easy to sue someone, clog up our courts, and waste the taxpayers' money.  

Back in 2009, Jesse Dimmick of Topeka, Kansas stole a van and was fleeing the cops. He ended up breaking into the house of a couple named Jared and Lindsay Rowley and confronted them at knifepoint. 

They gained his trust by giving him Cheetos and Dr. Pepper, and watching the ROBIN WILLIAMS movie "Patch Adams" with him. After he fell asleep, Jared and Lindsay escaped and ran to the cops, who came and arrested Dimmick. 

In May of last year, Dimmick was convicted of four felonies, including two counts of kidnapping, and got almost 11 years in prison.

And now . . . Dimmick has filed a lawsuit against the Rowleys. That's right . . . he's SUING HIS KIDNAPPING VICTIMS. For $235,000. 

Why? He says that when he broke into their house, they reached a legally binding oral contract with him that they'd help him hide for an undisclosed amount of money. And by turning him into the cops, they broke that deal. 

The Rowleys say they never entered into any deal with Dimmick . . . and even if they had, it would've been made under duress. They're trying to have the lawsuit dismissed.